Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
