I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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