Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
