party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
