I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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