If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
