so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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