lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize