That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
