Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
