Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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