So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
