I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
