Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize