i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
