I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
