Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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