I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
