I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
