I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
