My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
