Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just found a bag of teeth...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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