My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
