chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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