please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
