I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
