guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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