I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
