Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
