I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
