I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize