After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
