Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
