i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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