Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
