Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
PANTIES FOUND
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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