You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
