Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize