I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
