i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
