Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize