I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
