apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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