It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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