You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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