Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
