I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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