Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
