I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
