So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
