she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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