This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
