I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
