I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
