there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need to calm my uterus...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize