you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
