I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
