call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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