you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
