If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize