i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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