Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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