I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
