I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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