I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
