rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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