Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
