Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
