This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
