Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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