the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize