it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
