haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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