Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
