i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
